Chaos Guide

Players: 2+

Goal: Be the last player standing with every single card in the deck. Choose categories wisely and beat your opponents' stats round after round. Survival of the pettiest.

Setup

• Shuffle the deck thoroughly (no half-hearted riffles)
• Deal the cards face down evenly to all players until the entire deck is distributed
• Each player holds their deck so only the bottom card is visible

Playing a Round

• The starting player (whoever most recently had a shit) begins the game
• That player looks at their visible card and chooses a category they think will beat the others, announcing it in full Dark Trumps style — e.g. "I am Connie Lingus, my background is [read it out], and my Mileage is 45!"
• Moving clockwise, each player reveals their card: name, background, and the value in the chosen category
• The best value in that category wins the round. The winner takes all revealed cards and places them at the back of their deck

Important: For Mileage, the lowest number wins. Don't argue. It's canon.

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Ties

• If two or more players tie, all revealed cards go to a centre pile
• Tied players reveal their next card using the same category
• The winner of the tie-breaker takes all revealed cards, including the centre pile

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Endgame

• Any player who runs out of cards is eliminated — cue dramatic exit
• The game ends when one player holds the entire deck, officially declared King / Queen / Overlord of Poor Taste

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🍻 Drinking Version

Players: 3+

Goal: A fast-paced, grab-and-go game. Win the most cards by quickly picking the card with the highest value in the chosen category.

Setup

• Spread the entire deck face up across the table so everyone can see all cards clearly
• The Caller for the first round is the player who has most recently had sex
• The Caller announces the category and counts down from three

Playing a Round

• All players race to grab one card they believe has the highest value in that category
• Once you touch a card, it's yours. No swaps
• Miss the countdown and fail to grab a card? You don't play that round
• Highest value wins the round and keeps the card. All other cards return to the table

Mileage exception: the lowest value wins.

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Ties & Carrying On

• Tied players place their cards together and the Caller picks a new category — only the tied players compete again
• The Caller role rotates clockwise after each round
• Play continues until all cards have been claimed. Most cards at the end wins

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🍻 Drinking Version

Players / Teams: 3–5

Goal: Creativity, savagery, and seeing who can pick the darkest possible choice. Play the card that best (or worst) answers each twisted question and win over the Roast Master.

Setup

• Shuffle the deck and deal 3 cards to each player
• Place remaining cards face down in the centre as a draw pile
• The Roast Master for the first round is whoever's most recently masturbated

Playing a Round

• The Roast Master calls out a question or scenario (see examples below)
• Other players secretly choose 1 card from their hand that's the funniest, filthiest, or most outrageous fit, placed face down
• The Roast Master shuffles, reads each card aloud, and picks the winning card
• Winner keeps their card in their win pile. All other cards shuffle back into the deck. Everyone draws back up to 3. Roast Master role passes clockwise

Example Questions

• Who's the worst person to bring home to meet your parents?
• Who do you least want as your boss?
• Who's secretly living in your shed?
• Who's most likely to get arrested?
• Who would you not want to be stuck in a lift with?

Get personal — pick the worst card the group best agrees with for your own friends and exes. The darker and more specific, the better.

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Endgame

When the deck runs out, the player with the most cards in their win pile wins. Congratulations — you've survived the Roast Master and exposed everyone else in the process.

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🍻 Drinking Version

Players: 2+

Goal: Luck, gut instinct, and pretending you have psychic powers. Correctly guess whether the next card's value will be higher or lower than the current card.

Setup

• Shuffle the deck and place it face down in the centre
• As a group, choose one category to use for the entire game
• Draw one card, read out name/background/value — this becomes the starting card

Playing a Round

• Player A (the one who's slept with the most people) draws the next card and challenges Player B: "Higher or lower?"
• If Player B guesses correctly, they win the previous card to their personal pile
• Wrong guess or a tie? The card goes to the bottom of the deck
• The newly drawn card becomes the new starting card, and play continues clockwise

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Endgame

When the deck runs out, the player with the largest personal pile wins. Congratulations — you're either very lucky or deeply cursed.

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🍻 Drinking Version

Players: 2+

Goal: Brutal, blunt, and beautifully wrong. Draw three cards and decide who you'd Fuck, who you'd create a doomed Fetus with, and who's going to a Funeral. Snog/Marry/Avoid's evil twin.

Playing a Round

• The starting player (whoever's mother is the biggest MILF in the group) draws 3 cards and places them face up
• All other players secretly write down their Fuck / Fetus / Funeral choice for those three cards
• The starting player reveals their own choices and rationale first, then everyone else reveals

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Scoring

The starting player scores one point for each other player whose full set of choices exactly matches theirs. Cards shuffle back in, and play passes clockwise.

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Endgame

First to the agreed number of points (e.g. 10) wins — and should probably reflect on their life choices.

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🍻 Drinking Version

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Variations

• Ride, Reject, Raise — a one-night stand, a brutal bin-off, or a lifelong responsibility you'll instantly regret
• Love, Leave, Lobotomise — the sweetheart, the write-off, or the full horror-movie ending

Players: 2+ · You will need a dice to play this game.

Goal: The goal is simple: be the last one standing with every single card in the deck. To do that, you'll need to throw the dice, test your luck, and beat your opponents' stats. Survival of the pettiest.

Setup

• Shuffle the deck well (no limp riffles, please).
• Deal all cards face down to players until the whole deck is split.
• Keep your pile in front of you. No sneaky peeking.

Playing a Round

• The first player flips the top card of their pile.
• Instead of choosing a stat freely, they roll the dice to decide which category will battle: 1 = Face/Body, 2 = Fluff Control, 3 = Mileage, 4 = Moisture, 5 = Tightness, 6 = Odour.
• The player announces it in full Dark Trumps glory, e.g.: "I am Connie Lingus, and my Moisture is 78!"
• Each other player flips their top card and reads out the same stat.
• Highest value wins the round.

Important Rule: For Mileage, the lowest number wins. Don't argue — that's how it works.

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Ties

If two or more players tie for the winning value, the tied cards stay in the middle. Everyone draws their next top card, the dice is rolled again for a new stat, and the winner of that tiebreaker takes the whole pile.

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What happens to the cards?

In traditional Top Trumps, the winning cards are placed under the winner's deck — which when you add a dice can make a single game last about six hours. You can play this way if you're a masochist. But for a faster game:

• Winner's Pile Method: the winning player keeps all the cards from the round in a separate "winning pile." These cards are out of circulation until the end.

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Carrying On

The winner of each round keeps the glory and rolls the dice for the next stat battle. Players with no cards left in their active pile are eliminated. Cue dramatic exits.

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Endgame

The game ends when all the cards have been played. Count your "winning pile." The player with the biggest stash is crowned King/Queen/Overlord of Poor Taste.

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🍻 Drinking Version

Players: 2+ · You will need a dice to play this game.

Goal: Like Traditional Dice, but more chaotic. Every round, the dice unleashes chaos — sometimes highest values matter, sometimes they don't. The aim is still the same: win rounds, pile up cards, and crush your opponents.

Setup

• Shuffle the deck properly (no limp riffles).
• Deal all cards face down to players until the whole deck is split.
• Keep your pile in front of you. No peeking.
• The first player flips their top card and rolls a dice.
• The number rolled decides what kind of chaos hits the round.

Chaos Dice Outcomes

• 1 = Normal Play — nothing special, standard Trumps rules.
• 2 = Value Scramble — forget the values. Everyone rolls the dice, and the highest roll wins all the cards.
• 3 = Card Swap — everyone passes their top card left before revealing.
• 4 = Double Trouble — everyone plays 2 cards at once and adds up both of the chosen values (e.g. a Face/Body of "2" and "6" become "8").
• 5 = Funeral Mode — all losing cards are discarded from the game. Winner keeps only their card.
• 6 = Lowest Stat Wins — weakest value in the chosen stat takes the round.

Once the chaos is known, all players reveal their card(s) and apply the rule. Winner (if there is one!) scoops the round's cards into their pile — unless Funeral Mode ruins them.

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Mileage Rule

For Mileage, lowest value always wins unless Value Scramble overrides it.

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Ties

If there's a tie, all tied cards stay in the middle. Everyone draws their next card, rolls the dice again, and plays a fresh round. Winner scoops the whole pile.

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Carrying On

The winner of each round rolls the dice for the next chaos effect. Players who run out of cards are eliminated — cue dramatic exits.

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Endgame

When the deck runs out, the player with the biggest pile is crowned the Chaos Overlord.

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🍻 Drinking Version